When Motherhood Can Bite Me

C is nearing 3. The age when T actually grew horns. T’s 4th year has been so great it has sort of erased some of the horror of his 3rd year from our memory. But the fog is lifting and we are starting to remember how rough T was. Um, yeah, we actually¬†decided that we weren’t going to have a third kid when T was three.

The whole terrible twos thing is a joke. At least for our kids. Three is a fucking beast of an age. I get it that sucks for the kid as well. Three year olds are desperately trying to assert their independence while scrabbling for a modicum of control over their lives. They are told no all day long. They are expected to start behaving themselves at preschool and in public. So they rebel.

C was exhausted after school. So he refused to nap. Therefore he was an absolute delight at Wegmans. By which I mean he was a raging asshole to the woman who checked us out and was trying really hard to be nice to him. T had a T-ball game tonight. Z is in Baltimore overnight so I was flying solo. Naturally I got us lost on the way to the game. Naturally C screamed, “NO! NO! NO!” every time I asked him to do something or tried to prevent him from doing stuff he shouldn’t have been doing. Let me tell you, that kid can scream. If I picked him up he’d scratch at my face or hit me.

We are doing a fantastic job raising our little gentlemen.

Actually, it’s pretty humiliating. I feel like everyone must think I’m the shittiest mom in the world when he throws tantrums in public. Sometimes I am scared to take him places he is such a loose cannon.

The game mercifully ended and we headed home. C was drinking a juice box, his newest fascination. T doesn’t like juice boxes so we don’t have them hanging around. Now, let’s be real. I shouldn’t have trusted him to have the box in the car. Sure enough and with T’s encouragement I caught him spraying juice everywhere.

Finally we were back home, the juice got cleaned up, I called Z so he could say goodnight to the boys. I sank into the sofa, not really paying attention to what C was doing.

I felt an explosion of pain on the side of my face.

C climbed on the arm of the sofa, turned around, and basically trust falled the back of his skull into my cheekbone.

So here is what I learned about motherhood today. Sometimes you are so mad at your kid you have trouble looking them in the face. Sometimes you are embarrassed because you know tomorrow morning you are going to have a prominent shiner that you will have to explain to the world. Sometimes you are fed up and exhausted and want to scream, “FUCK YOU CHILDREN! FUCK YOU! PUT YOURSELVES TO BED GOD DAMN IT! I’M GOING TO THE BAR FOR A DRINK OR SIX!”

And I’m a little ashamed to admit how hard this was for me. With difficulty I didn’t scream at him. Instead I bathed him, read to him, sang to him, and cuddled with him. I wanted to just dump C in his room and walk away. But I explained why I was upset that he hurt me (and I understand he was not actively trying to bust up my face, he probably thought he’d fall in my lap). Then we did stories and songs and cuddles like usual. Did I have to fake it? Um, yes. Did I want to be vindictive and deny him his routine? Um, yes. My face really hurt and the day was really shitty.

What I learned tonight is when you are alone with the kids it doesn’t matter what happens. You have to keep it together and be a mom. Now, you wise folks probably figured that out ages ago. I’m slow. And selfish. But I did it tonight. I didn’t do it gracefully. There might have been some serious muttering under my breath.

But I did it. Maybe I don’t get a gold star today. At least I didn’t fail.

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My cheekbone doesn’t usually look like you could use it to cut glass.

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This is what T was doing in Baltimore. Pretty fucking amazing.

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Process shot. And Pain shot. I’d never have enough courage to do ribs. My dude is hard core.

12 thoughts on “When Motherhood Can Bite Me

  1. Three is a nightmare. I’m through it with three boys. There are new nightmares coming though. I promise you.
    Keep your head up lady…you seem like you are doing ok (even with the odd head to the face, public tantrum and masterfully escaped curse word). Hang in there and remember…selfish is ok sometimes too.

  2. I would have wanted to toss the kid in his room too. Amazing patience not doing it. We had a bath incident last night, and yeah. I yelled, and said no stories and no songs. Then I had to talk all through it, and apologize, and the whole thing. Then stories, and songs. I feel your face pain mama.

      • My thing is I end up feeling like I want to make snappy remarks way later, like “remember how you were an asshole in the bath?” And then I have to not do that.

  3. OMG, having SO MUCH empathy for you right now. We’re at 2.5 and seem to be sliding into the terrible three age soon. The hitting is out of control. I don’t know what to do about it, either. He chucked a full water bottle (at close range) into Boof’s chin the other night and he felt like it dislocate. I’ve gotten fists and head to the eye (unintentional) and I try to keep it together but that shit hurts like a motherfucker.

    I wish I had advice.

    • Sorry you are in it, too. The only solution is time. Which is a total catch 22 because people always say, “Don’t wish the time away!” Yeah, I’ll be pretty thrilled when 3 is over for him and so what if it is wishing time away.

      • People who say that TIME thing are annoying to me, too! Of course when it’s hard we wish it away, duh! To think 365 shitty days of tantrums is overwhelming!

        I try to remember the good days, moments. Like yesterday where he was sweet as can be. And this morning he’s already kicked the dog and hit my face. It’s only 8am, and we’ve been awake for 15 minutes ;)

  4. You are an amazing writer and mother! I am laughing so loud and hard and crying, your honesty has overwhelmed my emotions. And I’ve been calling myself the walking dead over here for the past couple weeks nursing a BITE SCAR from my awesome 2 year old :)

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