The snow has stopped, the roads are in decent shape, we got less than an inch yesterday after I shoveled, there was no reason for T and me to stay home all day. And the little man needed some snow boots. We got a snowsuit for him, but realized we didn’t have anything appropriate for his feet when we got him suited up on Monday. So I decided we needed to get out and take a trip to Target and the grocery store.
When T went down for his morning nap I was totally on track. I made sure I could get the car out of the driveway and did a little more shoveling right where our drive meets the road. I was nervous because a car parked in front of my neighbor’s house got stuck pulling out in front of our drive last night. Poor guy’s wheels were spinning like crazy and he didn’t get out for almost an hour. I couldn’t even offer help because Z was still at school and I seriously can’t leave T alone in the house when he is up at this point. The shoveling was a quick job, I did not even get soaked with sweat. T woke up at about 11:30 and I fed him lunch. Then I started freaking out.
I hadn’t left our house (or yard) since Sunday. Even though I wanted to get out it suddenly seemed like the hardest thing to do in the world. When it is hard for me to leave the house it manifests itself in a very physical way. I think the best way to describe it is my limbs start feeling heavy. No, I think it’s better to say it feels like there is an incredibly heavy weight on top of me. I also start to feel dizzy and really tired. Yet somehow my heart also beats too fast and I feel agitated. Talk about not making sense, tired and agitated all at the same time. And this is the good version of anxiety because I know I’m going to a “safe place”, so there isn’t any fear of diarrhea. I dragged my feet until almost 1:30, which was a problem because T’s afternoon nap is at 3pm. I almost gave up on the whole thing, but we are having friends over for dinner tomorrow and I really needed to get to the store for that. And damn it, I wanted to not let myself down. I still don’t know why sometimes I’m able to get myself out of the house and other times I just give up. I think at this point I just need to be grateful that it happens.
So we went. And it was uneventful. We got his boots and all the food I need for tomorrow. And T missed his second nap and was cranky. And the world didn’t end. To celebrate I had my first drink since October with dinner. So I was drunk by dessert. Perfect.
T loves trucks. This was the day before we left my sister’s place.
I believe this was the highlight of his day.