Yesterday we decided to schedule a babysitter for this afternoon so we can go to Harry Potter and then grab dinner. At first I was so excited and happy about the prospect. Then I started thinking about the last time we’d had an honest to goodness date. And I couldn’t remember when that was. But I did remember the last time we planned a date, it was for our 10th wedding anniversary. Needless to say, that didn’t work out very well. So I started to get anxious. And then I thought about seeing HP on Friday and the anxiety attack I had during the movie. And I got even more anxious.
Of course, I’ve partially convinced myself that something truly awful is going to happen today. All things considered, I’ve led a very charmed life. The worst thing I’ve ever gone through is my miscarriage. And in my head the miscarriage is somehow tied into us trying to do something nice for ourselves. Or having the hubris to celebrate 10 years of marriage like we are some sort of experts and deserve a pat on the back. I don’t understand why I’ve had the dumb luck to be so fortunate in my life and I am constantly waiting for the, I don’t know, fates? To even things out somehow, to punish me for having every opportunity handed to me and squandering those opportunities by having an anxiety disorder.
But there is a small part of me that trying to be heard and it is saying I’m full of shit. I want to have a nice date with my husband. And damnit, I’m going to try and enjoy myself. I’m at very least going to try and not let my anxiety disorder bully me. And that, my friends, is progress.
Yesterday was stellar and that is helping me have a more positive outlook. We are friends with an amazing couple who took it upon themselves to give their Sunday to us. He arrived at 9am sharp and over the next 8+ hours proceeded to caulk, sand, prime, and paint all the trim on the 3rd floor. The work he did would have taken Z two or three days. She came by a little while later and provided me with some excellent company while I tried to clean up the living room a little bit. Then she ran out and bought lunch for the crew. All the sudden we didn’t feel like we were caught in the never ending reno. Z was able do a bunch of little jobs that got him to the place where he is ready to do a last coat of paint on the floor. As soon as that happens it’s time to move furniture in. We are really almost done. Later we had take out from my favorite place for dinner, and out of the blue they stuck a huge chocolate chip cookie in the bag with a piece of tape stuck to it on which was written “a gift”. And as soon as the boy was down a friend showed up to have a drink and some very pleasant conversation for the rest of the evening. After a day like that I don’t want my anxiety to take over. I just want to keep having days like that!
So fingers crossed Z and I make it to the 3:30 show at creepiest mall in Ameraca, good old Shoppingtown in sunny Dewitt, NY. Seriously, if you are ever in Syracuse you’ve got to pay this place a visit. And then you can feel thankful that your mall is nothing like it. Fingers crossed even harder that we make it to Pascale in Fayetteville at around 6. And fingers crossed hardest that we have a wonderful time.