Wanna hear something nice about the middle of pregnancy? You don’t have to take your pants off at the OBs office from the end of the first trimester until you are around your 36th week. Unless something weird happens. Even during the big ultrasound they do to make sure the baby is developing normally you only loosen your pants to your hips. For the rest of the visits they just put a microphone thingy on your belly to listen to the heartbeat and assure you the baby is in awesome shape. Which I find a bit shady. I’d love to get a glimpse on the old ultrasound, but if things are normal you don’t see the baby from that major ultrasound visit until the day he is born. For the last month of my pregnancy with T I got to see him via ultrasound twice a week because of the preeclampsia. Bed rest sucked. Seeing that my guy was in good shape with my own eyes rocked. But even during those ultrasounds your pants stay on. They come off so the good doctors can check what is going on with your cervix. It is open? Is it thinning? Is the mucus plug in place? Sadly, the answers were No. No. Yes. for me. Seems like New Guy wants to cook a little longer.
My boobs have been getting that achy feeling which means they are getting ready to make some serious milk. They are also flooding my body with even more hormones. Which is causing me to reflect on the last two years with T. We haven’t adhered to a strict philosophy when it comes to raising him. We just have gone with our guts and have tried to respond to what he seems to need. No one in the house was sleeping? I bought some books and decided to go with sleep training. He wasn’t ready to give up nursing at 12 months (and neither was I…)? We kept on trucking. He started pushing boundaries? We started counting to 3 and doing time outs. He can’t handle having has nap or bedtime changed? We make sure he is in his crib by 1pm and we start the bedtime routine by 7:45pm even when it’s inconvenient to our plans. It’s a mix of granola crunchy stuff and old fashioned stuff. Our granola crunchy friends are secretly horrified we used Cry It Out on him. Our old fashioned friends are secretly horrified I nursed him so long. The cool think about being a parent is the longer you do it the less you care what other people think. You do what’s best for your kid. And you realize you don’t know what is best for those kids in your friends families even though you might be secretly judging choices they make. I think it might be called growing the fuck up.
As much as I’m ready for the pregnancy to be over I’ve been trying to warn my doc that I’m probably not going to do really well with this whole delivery thing. One visit I tell him I’m scared to go into labor myself because I was induced last time. He tells me he is going to take care of me and he knows I can handle it. The next visit I tell him I need him to be super sure my placenta is all out of my uterus after delivery. He tells me he is going to take all the time we need to make sure it’s all out. When he said that to me I just felt my whole body relax. It was exactly what I wanted to hear. During this last visit as he was getting ready to leave I blurted out, “I’ve never been away from my son overnight before. When I go into the hospital it’ll be the first time.” He could tell I was trying not to cry. He told me I was a good mom. I really hit the jackpot with him.
Out of all the stuff I’m scared of the being away from T is the biggest thing. Don’t get me wrong, getting all the placenta out is a super close second. But when it comes to being away from him for long periods I’m definitely on the granola crunchy side of things. I also know he’ll be completely fine. He doesn’t need me around every morning or even every day. I need him. It’s always interesting to discover when I’m motivated by my own selfishness rather than T’s needs. Another thing I need to work on.