Z and I are a little freaked out by how much we have to do before we get out of here tomorrow. I’ve got gingerbread cookies in the oven and will be making an apple cake and a pumpkin pie today. Z and T are off to the store to pick up a prescription for C and my birth control pills because clearly we can’t handle another child. Early this morning Z was trying to get the wall hangings up in the renoed bathroom and I was wrangling kids. Suddenly I needed to, um, use the facilities. I scooped up C and T followed us upstairs. At the door to the bathroom T started to dick around. We aren’t door closers in our house, we are let it all hang out people. But I couldn’t have C climbing down the stairs to play with the tools Z had spread outside our half bath.
“Listen,” I said. “This door needs to be closed so I can watch your brother, so in or out buddy. Make up your mind now.” He followed me in and shut the door. I wasn’t thrilled with my audience, but the situation was getting urgent. I sat down and the boys stood at the tub and threw all the bath toys into it. T was using all his might and the sound of the hard plastic hitting the enameled tub ricocheted around the room. I hollered at him to stop, he was assessing his chances of getting away with continuing, C was howling like a little wolf just to hear his voice echo, I realized that just gone 8am was way too early to feel this defeated, and suddenly Z burst into the room.
“Boys!” he bellowed. “Your mother needs some privacy to poop! Come on, let’s get out of here!” People, I have never loved him as much as I did in that moment. I hope that each and every one of you find someone who will remove small children from your bathroom so you may poop in peace. Yes, I like you guys that much.