You screw up all the time with this parenting gig. You screw up, dust yourself off, think about the kind of parent you want to be, vow to do better…and then you screw up again. More than two years ago I wrote this and a few months later I wrote this. You’d figure that when my second kid also ended up being a late walker I’d be more relaxed about it. And at first I was. T didn’t walk until 15 1/2 months, so even though 13 months is average for walking I didn’t stress as C passed that milestone. I didn’t let it bother me (much) when kids of my friends who were younger than him started toddling all over the place. My boys are late walkers. Doesn’t mean anything.
C was just under 16 months at Christmas. My memories of T during his second Christmas involve him tearing around on two legs and last summer and fall when I imagined C during the holiday season it was always as a walker. He passed 15 1/2 months. No real walking. He passed Christmas, New Years, two overnight hospital visits, the trip home, half of January…..not much walking. I mean, dude stands up and takes about 8 goose steps before dropping to his knees and crawling. His pediatrician reassures me that it counts. But compared to kids his age, hell compared to kids younger than him he is quite a bit behind.
While T was late at walking he was also early at talking. During a bath when he was 9 months old T started saying “duck” in reference to his rubber ducky with stunningly clear enunciation and he never looked back. As much as I worried about the physical stuff it was comforting to me that he was crushing another area of development. C is…a different kid. At this point he is only saying a handful of words.
And here I am, after struggling with my feelings about having a late walker the first time, after thinking I came to terms with them, here I am not only worrying about the development of my second, but fucking comparing him to my first. He deserves better.
So yet again I screw up with this parenting job. And yet again I dust myself off. And yet again I vow to do better.