Bedtime Story

T, “Read me a story about mosters. A scary story. About a Robot Monster made of poop! And Batman!”

By read he meant tell. And Z had already tucked him in, given him not just water, but ice water, sung him songs, read him a story, and cuddled. Kid is trying to add another layer to the routine and he got me in his room by telling me he “needs” Mommy cuddles and Mommy stories. Yes, I’m that easy to manipulate.

About the poop-he says everything is made of poop these days.

He is obsessed with monsters and scary stories and bad guys. Begs to hear about them. Tell us he wants a bad guy toy at the store (we have no idea what that means). Tells us he is old enough to watch scary stuff on TV. We do not let him. He is fascinated and repelled by this idea of Bad.

“Ok,” I tell him “But this is going to be a fast story. And I’m not telling you a story every night. You’ve already had a story with Daddy.”

“No! Read me a story, not tell!”

“Whatever, dude. It is called telling when it’s a story in my head. So Robot Monster ran in to a bank and he told the people that worked there to give him all their money. They couldn’t fight back because the smell of poop was so terrible that they were just falling to the ground. And then Batman rushed in! And he had a mask on so he didn’t smell the poop! He ran over to Robot Monster and he stuffed him into a bag and slung the bag over his shoulder. Robot Monster wasn’t a monster anymore, he turned into a pile of poop! Batman took him to jail and flushed him down the toilet and no one ever had to worry about him again! The end.”

We cuddled for a moment.

“Ok, dude. I’m out of here. And we are done for the night. You’ve had all your bedtime stuff and I will see you in the morning. Remember, do not come into our room until 6:00. Or there will be no TV tomorrow. You are a good kid. I love you.”

He squirmed up until he was sitting. “Wait, I need water!”

I sighed. “Here. And goodnight. You are a good kid. I love you.”


“Seriously, I’m leaving now. What?”

“Goodnight. You are a good kid and I love you.”

Was he just parroting me? Yep. But whatever, it still melted my heart.

Also, I’m available for parties and other children’s bedtimes. Great rates. But all my storytelling involves poop.

no smile t 3

Made sense to take a picture of T for this post. Here’s what I got when I asked him to smile.

no smile t 2

Then I asked him really nicely to smile.

no smile t

Jesus christ, I give up.

my baby

This one will always be my baby.


8 thoughts on “Bedtime Story

  1. Sounds awesome. Even if it’s just parroting, I’d take it.

    Max got sent to bed early last night because he would not eat dinner. Well, first he tried to feed it to Mitch. Then he did feed it to the dog (with his fork). Then he dropped his fork 25 million times. (May be exaggerating.) Then he ate some of his dinner, but would. not. swallow it. Then he managed to drip food-that’s-been-in-your-mouth-for 25-minutes all over the floor wherever he walked. I explained to him if he didn’t like the taste, that swallowing it would make it go AWAY. Nope.

    After 40 minutes, he finally spit out the food, but went to bed.

    Your poop story and extra cuddles sound awesome to me. 🙂
    (Thanks for letting me overshare.)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s