Pee Monster

It has been a shit week for anxiety and that is what I should be writing about because the writing helps me face what is going on. But I can’t right now. I just can’t. Maybe tomorrow I’ll be less of a coward.

So one more bedtime story and then I promise I’m done. We are running out of bodily fluids anyway. I mean, unless he asks me to tell him a story about Puke Monster. But what are the chances? Ok, ok, in this house the chances are pretty great…

The events of yesterday’s post actually happened on Monday night. Didn’t get around to writing it down until yesterday. On Tuesday night he did not get a bonus story, he just went to sleep when he was supposed to. And I felt all self righteous and like we were doing an awesome job as parents.

Yesterday was a rough one in T Land. He is acting out a lot. He is frustrated. We are frustrated. As I was nursing C at bedtime I heard T weeping and screaming from his room. He wouldn’t listen and Daddy took away his book. When Z and I met up in the hall Z said T wanted me to tell him a story. I asked if it was cool with Z if I did that being he’d taken story time away and Z said it was, so while Z tried to figure out where the FUCK the chirping sound was coming from that had been happening every 40 seconds for almost 8 hours I crawled into bed with T.

“Dude. What the heck. You have been a mess today. You need to have a good sleep so tomorrow you can really have the energy to listen and then Daddy will read a book at bedtime!”

“But I WANT Daddy to read a book today.” he whined.

“Nope. I don’t think so. If you wanted the book you would have done what he asked before he counted to three. He was very clear about what would happen if he go to three. So you made the choice not to have the book, babe. And I think tomorrow you’ll make a different choice. Now I’ll tell you a quick story. What do you want it to be about?”

“Ummmm,” he was clearly thinking, “I’d like a story about Pee Monster. And Batman.”

“Who the heck is Pee Monster?”

“He is Pee Monster. And he has pee bubbles.”

“Oh my lord, T. You are a nutter butter. Ok. So do you remember Green Lakes Park?”


“So all the kids were swimming at the beach in Green Lakes Park and it was really awesome. But then Pee Monster appeared and ran into the water. He was yelling and splashing. He scared the kids and started throwing pee bubbles and the pee was in the water! The kids began to cry and the parents were screaming and all of the sudden Batman swam from deep in the lake up to the surface! He was wearing scuba gear so he was safe from the pee! And he had a vacuum and he sucked up every last pee bubble! Pee Monster wasn’t a monster anymore, he was just a dude. He turned around and ran to his car and drove away and he felt really terrible about what he’d done. After that he was a really good guy. The end.”

And then I fell asleep for a few minutes. Hey, cuddled up to your kid who is all sweet smelling from bath time is not a bad way to spend time.

He was almost asleep himself when I snuck out of his bed and joined Z in the basement where we eventually found the chirping culprit–a smoke detector we’d never noticed on the landing of the basement stairs. And yes, when we moved in we had smoke/carbon monoxide detectors hard wired on the first floor and basement. Safety first, people. Safety first.

c hits t

Should I have stopped this from happening? Yup. If it makes you feel better I totally yelled at C as soon as I was done taking the picture.

he wants to go outside

He keeps handing us layers to put on because he wants to go somewhere. He’s wearing a hoodie and a jacket and he’s reaching for a raincoat.


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