From One to Ten

Technology is a beautiful thing. Z has been able to facetime with us almost every single morning and night while he has been gone. He calls somewhere around 7 or 8 am for us and 8 or 9 pm for him. And then he calls again at around 7 or 8am for him and 6 or 7pm for us. We’ve been going out a lot for dinner, so I’ve been breaking my no-cell-at-restaurants rule. I accept the call and dart outside so we can chat for a moment.

Tonight I was already headed outside when the phone rang. Taking toddlers out for dinner is a major crap shoot and C was an absolute mess. We were at a restaurant on a golf course in my parent’s neighborhood and as soon as I’d shoveled a bunch of food down my throat I grabbed my little guy so he could shriek like a pterodactyl without disturbing any more diners.

While C ran around outside I explained to Z what what going on. “I’m at Defcon 10 with the anxiety. I feel like I’ve blown up and am clinically obese. It’s bad right now.” “Pfft.” he replied. “You are at a two tops. You are just being a little overdramatic. Ten is when you can’t leave the house and are suicidal. You are nowhere near 10.”

On the one hand it sort of sucks to be told your intense discomfort is small potatoes, but on the other hand he was totally right. And he made me laugh. He’s good at defusing my crazy. But the most important moment was when I was able to actually realize he was right.

Because here are the facts: I was out at a restaurant. This morning I took my kids to a toddler play event at the pool. Yes, the organizers spaced and didn’t show up, but the kids still had fun. We were there on time and that is pretty big for me. After dinner my dad wanted ice cream so we headed to the shop in a strip mall and found out that there is a free family movie even on Tuesday mornings at the Movie Theater. We are going to take T this week. After ice cream we headed to the Lake Club at the base of my parent’s street to grab a class schedule and so the boys could play pinball in the game room for a few minutes. Not to jinx anything, but I’m planning on taking a yoga class tomorrow at 8:30. Am I having a rough time? Yup. But I’m doing stuff, god damn it. A lot of stuff. It’s pretty fucking terrific.

So yes, yesterday’s post was pretty grim. And to borrow from Z it was a little overdramatic. The point was supposed to be that while I do suck as a Mom I always have the opportunity to not suck in the future. It was suppose to be kind of hopeful. And I’m fully aware it wasn’t. Oops.

toddler karen

This picture hangs in the room I stay in at my folks house. Man is T my kid.

bumblebee sunglasses

His Uncle A got him and his cousin amazing sunglasses for the beach. T’s are Bumblebee the Transformer who he is currently obsessed with.


Although Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are quickly replacing Autobots in his heart. His Grandma and he made four masks for the turtles today. Here he is as Leonardo.


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