You want to cry while you are waiting for a lemon cake to come out of the oven? Watch the Almost Famous trailer.
Glibly posted to facebook on Saturday night. While both crying and waiting for a lemon cake to come out of the oven.
A friend asked why? and I was confounded for a moment. Doesn’t everyone cry at almost every movie trailer ever? She pointed out the movie was fun and the characters were having a good time. And it sat me right on my ass. She was, or is right. For the most part they are having a pretty fucking terrific time. Particularly in the moment I cited as a tear making, when Penny tells the kid he already is home.
In yet another moment of glibness I typed I find 95% of all human interactions sad. Funny and then sad. Because I’m broken. Good news for you, though! Happy people live longer!
Anxiety creates emotional precariousness. Tears are never far away. Neither is laughter. Both show up at the most inappropriate times. Both show up at the exact right time. When life is overwhelming and absurd they are a valve that releases enough pressure to keep me from giving up. It is why someone who has intense IBS loves poop jokes so much. If I don’t laugh I cry. If I don’t cry I laugh.
So. Introducing Anxiety Vignettes. Moments of absurdity that make me laugh or make me cry. Coping mechanisms that seem reasonable until I need to explain them to someone else.
Dad came with me and the boys to school drop off last Monday before I took him to the airport. We lingered in the kindergarten room which meant we pulled into the preschool parking lot the the perfectly worst time. I stopped at the t-bone in the road to assess options. Most spaces on the near side were full, and every single space was taken on the far side in the half of the lot closest to school.
Dad, ” There’s a space over there.”
Me, “I can’t park there.”
Dad, “Um, ok….there is a space over there.”
Me, “I can’t park there.”
Dad, “What are you taking about?”
I pulled around to the half of the lot farther from school. My parents usually have a no-visiting-Syracuse rule when the temps fall below 60F, and it was a pretty cold morning. I believe my dad was wearing every item of clothing he brought with him.
Dad, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”
Me, “I CAN’T PARK OVER THERE!”
Me, “BECAUSE SOMETHING BAD WILL HAPPEN!”
Me, “If I park on that side something bad will happen. I have to park on this side…..so something bad doesn’t happen.”
Every space was filled on the right side, by which I mean the correct side. I pulled to the end of the lot. And I made my own space in the dirt/grass/beginning of a path.
Dad looked at me incredulously.
My face was burning, “What?”
Me, “Um…..something bad will happen.”
I looked at him. He started laughing. I started laughing. He sighed.
We trudged toward the building. By the time we walked to the other end of the lot there were a bunch of empty spaces on the safe side. But who knows what calamity I prevented by parking on the correct side of the lot?
Please, don’t all thank me at once.
Last day of soccer. T’s level of focus was….underwhelming.
Boy in tree.