Dude, I love gossip. When Z gets home from work the first question I ask him is, “Any juicy gossip today?” If he is in a gossip dry spell I start to threaten him, “Don’t come home if you don’t have gossip.” or “I’m not making you dinner if you don’t have gossip.” What? I’m a stay at home Mom. I need something to help get me through the day. You know, besides being completely contented by spending every waking moment with my wonderful children….
So yes, gossip. I’m pretty shameless in my adoration of hearing other folk’s business. The other day someone told me that a couple we both know almost got a divorce a couple of years ago. I found myself supremely bored. My reply was that I’m pretty sure that every couple I know who have been married more than a decade have almost split up at some point. We sure as hell nearly did-took us less than five years.
Perhaps there are long term marrieds out there who have been happy for their whole relationship. If any of you mythical folks are reading, please identify yourselves! You are amazing! You should totally consider a career in mediation.
The best part of marriage is not being alone. The worst part of marriage is not being alone. Yes, you get a partner in life-for the hard parts and for the fun parts. But you also have to think about someone else’s needs when it come to fucking everything. Life becomes a negotiation. Add kids to the mix and your personal needs are pushed even further into the background. As someone who is not naturally selfless this has been one of the biggest struggles of my adult life. I desperately wanted to not be alone as an adult when I was a kid. I got my wish. But nothing is ever straightforward. I didn’t completely understand what I was asking for. I knew marriage would be hard, but I had no idea what a struggle it would be. I had no idea that sharing my life would be a sacrifice as well as the most fulfilling thing I’d ever do.
So why don’t we talk about this stuff? Why is there a stigma to almost splitting up? Hell, why is there a stigma to actually splitting up? Making it in a marriage does not indicate you are superior to those who don’t. Because who knows if you will get to “till death do us part” until you actually die? Life is hard, marriage is hard, relationships are hard. Wouldn’t it make it a smidge easier if we could talk about that openly?